Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My feet surprised me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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