She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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