Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
