I'm eating all of the evidence.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
