you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
