you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
