Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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