sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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