All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
