it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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