just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
