First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've blown a few things in my day
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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