I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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