Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
