bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
