also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize