I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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