fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize