You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
