I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
