i need an iv and a liver transplant
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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