he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
