So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This house was built for laser tag.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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