I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
