Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
