dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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