Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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