Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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