What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
