Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
