I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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