hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize