i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
