Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
