You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
