I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
