I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he thought i was a dude.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
