I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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