I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
