I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
