Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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