Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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