dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
