Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize