question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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