I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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