apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize