i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
