He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my being single is dangerous.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
