My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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