I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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