if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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