Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
