I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
