i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
