Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
