She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
