Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
