So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
