I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
