either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
