What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize