You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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