my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize