so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
