did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
