He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
zippers are such a cool invention
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
