just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
