you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize