I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
