Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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