I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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